Understanding the Invisible Mental Load of Motherhood
Motherhood is often celebrated as a beautiful journey, but it comes with an unseen burden that can leave many moms feeling overwhelmed.
This “invisible load” refers to the cognitive and emotional labour that mothers take on daily, which often goes unrecognized. This isn’t usually done on purpose, or with any bad intentions, because it’s often a social expectation for women to handle all family-related duties and to have their partner act as ‘the helper’.
Let’s explore what this means and how it relates to mental health, particularly postpartum depression.
Mental Load of Mothers
Moms are true superheroes. For simplicity, we’ll be using the term ‘mom’ to refer to anyone who is the primary child caregiver. If you do the majority of the caregiving but don’t identify as a ‘mom’ then this article is likely still relevant to you!
Moms juggle countless responsibilities—from managing household chores to scheduling kids’ activities and providing emotional support. This “invisible load” includes the mental gymnastics of planning and organizing that often falls squarely on their shoulders.
How many diapers are left in the box?
When does Sally need new shoes?
How long until the next doctor’s appointment?
These are the sorts of questions a mom can typically answer without much thought and without asking another person. This information, though necessary and relevant, takes up precious mental space and can have an impact on the mom’s mental bandwidth.
Research shows that even in households striving for equality, women still perform the majority of this mental labour. For instance, 61% of moms manage most household tasks, while fathers may receive praise for their occasional help. This disparity reinforces outdated gender norms and increases the emotional burden on mothers.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your responsibilities, consider discussing these feelings with a therapist. You can book a Free Consultation with us to see if a professional can help you navigate your mental load and improve your emotional well-being.
Motherhood and Mental Health
The weight of motherhood can take a toll on mental health.
Many moms feel exhausted yet unaccomplished, struggling to articulate the depth of their invisible labour. This often leads to frustration and feelings of inadequacy, particularly when partners want to help but are unsure how.
Recognizing this hidden work is essential. It’s about more than just physical tasks; it’s about the extensive emotional management that often goes unnoticed. Moms are frequently conditioned to carry this load alone, feeling guilty for not doing more. The first step to alleviating this pressure is to communicate openly with partners about expectations and responsibilities.
Both parents have their own challenges in this situation, and it’s not our intention to blame the non-primary caregiver (or dad) for this issue. This is a longstanding societal problem that has plagued women for many generations. It can be challenging to identify the ways we all reinforce inequitable labour when we’re elbow-deep in diapers and childcare chaos.
Seeking the support of a neutral 3rd party, like a couples therapist, is often a safer/easier way to identify the invisible load and make it more visible for everyone involved. You can book a Free Consultation with us to see if a professional can help you navigate the communication challenges that come with parenting.
Motherhood Depression/Postpartum Depression
For many new mothers, the invisible load can become overwhelming, leading to postpartum depression (PPD). PPD is a serious mood disorder affecting approximately 1 in 7 individuals after childbirth. It manifests through intense sadness, mood swings, and feelings of inadequacy.
There are three types of postpartum mood disorders:
Postpartum Blues
Mild, short-lived emotional fluctuations occurring in the first week post-delivery, usually resolving within two weeks.
Postpartum Depression
More intense and lasting symptoms, including irritability, fatigue, and feelings of guilt or anxiety, which can appear anytime within a year after delivery.
Postpartum Psychosis
A rare but severe condition requiring emergency care, marked by confusion, delusions, and risk of harm.
While many experience the "baby blues," which are short-lived, PPD can last for months and significantly affect the parent-child bond. Symptoms can include irritability, fatigue, and anxiety, making it crucial to seek support. Factors such as a personal history of depression or a lack of social support can increase the risk of PPD.
The transition into parenthood or adding children to a family is often jarring. What we see publicly and especially on social media is not an honest representation of the emotional and mental toll that comes with this transition. This makes it even more difficult for parents, and moms in particular, to admit if they’re struggling and then to seek support.
The shame that many moms feel is huge. And yet if we knew how much everyone else was floundering, confused, weepy or numb then we’d likely understand that we were far from alone in this experience.
If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression, don’t hesitate to seek help. Therapy can provide valuable support and coping strategies, book a free consultation to speak with a compassionate therapist. This is confidential care.
Therapy for Postpartum Depression
Therapy can be a lifeline for mothers experiencing PPD.
Treatment often involves a combination of psychotherapy, support groups, and, in some cases, medication. A mental health professional can help identify underlying issues, address cognitive distortions, and create a tailored treatment plan.
Your family doctor can speak with you about medication and if it’s the right option for you in your situation.
Support from friends and family is vital, but professional help can provide the tools needed for recovery. With the right support, most individuals can overcome postpartum depression and find balance in their lives.
The Invisible Load Made Visible
Motherhood is a beautiful yet challenging experience.
Recognizing and addressing the invisible load can help alleviate the mental burden many moms face. Open communication with partners and seeking professional support are vital steps toward a healthier, more balanced life.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and help is available. Take the first step today—reach out and seek the support you deserve.
